I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
COCAINE IS GR8
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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