Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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