i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
