your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
