i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
