I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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