my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
