Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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