I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
