Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
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Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize