bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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