pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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