He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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