just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
