I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
