it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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