There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
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AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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