just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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