i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
