hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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