Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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