Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
