You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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