I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
