I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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