my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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