I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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