All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
