I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize