Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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