Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
