There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
