im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
