Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
