I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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