Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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