im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
