he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
