I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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