Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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