my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
