I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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