How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
