i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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