good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
