I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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