I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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