he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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