Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the day after is always just damage control
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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