new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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