i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
