I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
