god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
