Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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