Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's official drugs can't kill me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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