Please don't use social media to get back at me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
