just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I need moral support for this bender
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
