Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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