I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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