Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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