is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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