Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
