Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she peed on how many people?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
